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AznGrl
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Name: meqz
Gender: Female
Interests: collectin avatars [n random pictures in qeneral], readinq fanfiction, chattin on AIM, lovin my friends <33 and just bein a typical azn...minus da 'makinq perfect qrades' part --;
Expertise: unintentionally attractinq quys -___- oh yeah, and i can learn lanquaqes fast AND pronounce em riqht!!
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
3/1/2002
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| so i stayed up all night and mom and i went walking around the local high school track around 8. we got back to the house around 9. because bath and body works is having a huge sale this month, i was determined to go to one today. we were planning to go right when the mall opened at 10:30, but mom took one look at my sleep-deprived face and told me that we would go later. she was so scared i'd fall asleep at the wheel that she even drove to me work [ive felt fine all day...]. this worked out tho, cuz she picked me up and then we went shopping :D so yeah we got a lot of stuff...im quite happy. we're prolly gonna go every week to see wat else they have :D :D :D!!
so today i "got up" early, exercised, ate 3 square meals, worked, and shopped. it was a pretty good day. now, at 11:11 pm, im going to bed.
make a wish! :3 | | |
| Mind you, this is probably the 3rd all-nighter I've ever done...wait...no...second? Yes, second all-nighter. Well, maybe the first. But it's a little early to tell.
Recently I've been forcing myself to go to bed about 2-3. I'm not even tired then. I lay awake, shifting around, trying to think pleasant thoughts so I can fall asleep, and I never get around to it until late. Then because of my work, my alarm goes off at 11-11:30 so I can get up, shower, eat lunch, and go to work by 1. If it wasn't for work, I might even sleep until around 1. I'm just so tired nowadays, but I can never sleep when i want to. It doesn't help now that I've actually fallen into routine, which makes me miss my friends in indy/bsu. Every time I go to bed I want to cry. I miss everyone so much. One person in particular. I think I tried talking about my sleeping problems to two of my best friends...but I don't think I emphasized it enough to let them know it was really bothering me. It's cold up here in Connecticut. I don't fit in here. Everyone is nice to me, but I just can't seem to get completely comfortable like I can in Indiana. Ah, what the heck, my sleep-deprived brain is rambling. I've been really moody lately, and I don't know why I'm like this. I feel that...I'm suppressing something. Missing something. But I'm not sure what...or maybe I do know. And I don't want to admit it.
Meh, I've been watching too many Asian dramas.
To go to back on the all-nighter count, if I stay awake all day until the "proper" bedtime, this'll be the first all-nighter. I pulled one freshman year of college, just to finish the first season of Heroes :P Second time was because a friend was missing and I stayed up all night worried...and then promptly fell asleep when the friend was found. Then another time...I forget why I did it. But I fell asleep around 9 or so. Today I plan to run around the local high school track at 8 with my Mom. I'm still boggled at why this high school lets the public in to use their track...Heritage would've never allowed it XD Anyways, then because of a special sale at Bath & Body Works, Mom and I are going to the mall when it opens at 10:30 promptly to see what they got. Theeenn I suppose we'll eat lunch and she'll send me to work. Hopefully I can keep myself occupied after work so I won't collapse afterwards. I'm feeling pretty good now, earlier my head felt like it was going to float off. One more hour...one more hour and I'll go outside and re-energize myself.
I think I know why I've been feeling so empty lately. I'm also trying to change myself. Change myself for the better. Become more independent, thoughtful, and reliable. Most of you are probably thinking I'm being ridiculous, but this is what I mean by me changing by the time I go back to school. I know one of my charming points is that I'm all "sugary" and cheer people up. I act childish at times and I let everyone know how I feel. Well...I've been doing that, and it seems that it's time that childish Megan moved on. My whole life I've been indecisive. My current major is just English just because...I can't think of being anything else but a wife and mother after college. I've looked up to my Mom my entire life, and I used her as an example. Granted, my mom worked before getting married, and after too, but as soon as she had me, she quit. So my whole life I've been aspiring to be her...and it's getting me nowhere. It's scared all my boyfriends away. I always try to think ahead and I end up getting myself involved in situations that don't even relate to me. I always think I'm doing the right thing, but really, I'm not. Even if I didn't mean it, it still can hurt. Being indecisive isn't going to get me anywhere either. Now, this doesn't mean I'll change my major...but I need to find something more to do in this life. Next year I aspire to be a more serious person. I'll still have fun. But I won't get myself tangled into so many emotional things next year. This summer is the perfect time for a "personality change". I'm also trying to change my look to match that. Every day, I am endlessly resisting the urge to depend on the people I love the most [except for my parents...I'm kinda forced to do that], so don't all of you call me at once. This is something I have to do on my own. I haven't been calling people lately because...I'm trying not to get dependent on anyone. And by the time this summer is over, I won't even think about, "Oh, I can't do this because it'll make me clingy" and hopefully, it will have become a habit. I'll hopefully have turned into someone I can finally be proud of.
In short, my heart won't accept the fact that I'm trying to be independent, so until then, I guess I'll be feeling lonely. | | |
| i didnt blog the last 2 days, mainly cuz nothing special really happened. i havent been getting anything to do at work. then i laze around and watch dramas and wat-not. woopee.
tomorrow im going to start running. i kno, gasp, megan doing physical stuff?? [that sounded weird...]. but seriously, my alarm's set for 7:15, im running before i go to church. which means i'll be super exhausted and hopefully i'll sleep around 11-12 from now on. but i keep getting such horrible dreams now that i sleep in, my mom says she heard me crying in my sleep this morning. thats kinda freaky. so, going to change my sleeping pattern, and get outside more.
today was a weird day. after waking up from a disturbing dream, i finished coffee prince [i started watching it 2 days ago...haha] for the THIRD time. good korean drama. i highly recommend it. now im starting to read the manga "boys over flowers" cuz the series finally finished last year. so old!! it started in 1992! then i guess afterwards i'll rewatch meteor garden, the taiwanese drama series based on that manga. super long series...this'll be an interesting time.
lately ive been missing people from indy a lot. i think its because im finally settled into a routine in CT that nothing really exciting happens anymore. and i look up at the calendar and realized im about to flip it to june. just 2 more flips, and i should be seeing old friends again :D ah~ but really ive been pretty sad going to bed...maybe thats why i get weird dreams.
maybe something will happen in june that'll cheer me up. until then, im just stuck in a routine...bleeehh. | | |
| hm, so today i woke up at noon, to my shock. i think i went to bed around 2, so 10 hrs?? it was cloudy in CT, so i kept thinking it was early and would go back to sleep after waking up. i literally rolled out of bed [my "bed" is composed of 2 mattresses on top of each other, so its pretty low] and actually stumbled to the bathroom. then my mom greeted me with a chirpy "good morning!" while i collapsed on the couch and groaned about how my head hurt. i spose i'll be doing that same routine if i ever take up drinking too much. ha ha ha...
so this ENTIRE day ive been watching the big bang theory, and HILARIOUS tv show that i got really into my freshman year of college, and i kept forgetting to look up its schedule this past season. so im done w/ that. yay. and just in time, cuz tomorrow i start work, and i wouldnt have much time to watch episodes one after another. but BECAUSE of my big bang theory marathon, my mom got annoyed at me today -_- she invited me to take a walk outside after dinner, and when i responded, "no" and kept watching "tv", she went on one of her "i cant believe how much uve changed since u went to ball state!" rants. well 1] its bc ive been away from u guys and i dont get told wat to do! and 2]...well, yeah! thats it! my entire life my parents kept me in their sights pretty much the entire time and it took great lengths to get me to hang out w/ friends OUTSIDE of a school or church setting. i really thought they wouldnt bitch at me this summer bc 1] i came back to freakin connecticut [no offense to my CT friends...] 2] im taking a class at quinnipiac and 3] i got a job!! i mean, wat more do they want [besides grandkids, and its way too early]?? JUST because i refused to walk w/ her, my mom becomes a huge...poohead. hmph.
anyways, my cat was super cute today, as usual, and is currently...oh, sleeping on my bed. poor thing, im gonna hafta carry her off when i go to bed soon T__T
well i finally got my class situation all figured out...sort of. registrar sent me an email saying i was registered and that i could use "webadvisor" to view them. problem, what the heck is webadvisor?? so i searched on quinnipiac's website and found it. and after a little poking around i found wat class i was signed up for...had no information on it. so i dont even kno if im supposed to check blackboard or not. AND blackboard said i wasnt signed up for classes...?? bah. i dont remember how i learned how to use ball state's website.........to be honest, quinnipiac's sucks. even dad says so. meh meh meh. BUT. the class im taking is actually being taught by a lady i work with! lucky for me working at the quinnipiac online center ::nodnod:: soooo i spose i could ask her questions n stuff too. whee!
on a final note, even tho its late, happy memorial day everyone. | | |
| bah i forgot to blog. I DONT WANNA. but i told myself i had to this summer >________> sooooooo lets make this super quick:
today i found my cat. refer to my note before this.
after church we had a heckuva time trying to figure out who was driving and who was going to ikea. we ended up going separately and 7-8 ppl showed up and we barely shopped. boo.
i got back and i started watching the 1st season of the big bang theory. LOVE the show. apparently i had seen all of the first season and i forgot about that. i just watched the 1st episode the second season. cant wait to finish it tomorrow.
um.....i dont have work tomorrow.
wow ok i didnt have that much to write about i guess.
OH WAIT.
yeah, i saw a guy peeing on the side of the road today. i saw everything. EVERYTHING. in a flash. it was........horrible. he wasnt even peeing on the side of the road, it was between an exit ramp and the road, so ppl on both sides could probably see his.......package. sigh. why me. my brain only had about .5 seconds to realize that the stance the guy was standing in was oddly familiar and BAM...
ok enough of that. wat a lovely image to go to bed with......
and YES it was a big black guy, make all the jokes u want!! | | |
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